


The Same

by iKONislife



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 20:23:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17608310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iKONislife/pseuds/iKONislife
Summary: -When Junhoe agrees to babysit his niece, he would never in a million years expect the little tyke to turn his life upside down in the most unexpected way possible.





	The Same

“Hello” 

“H-Hello?” The shaky voice spewing out from the speaker of your phone had your entire apartment halts in movement. It can’t be… Couldn’t be…

“Y/n?” Then it speaks up again, clearer this time, not a trace of hesitation in the way it so velvety wrapping your name in its soft tone. It was as though God had temporarily pressed pause on the movie that is your life. The TV was still blaring but falling on your deaf ears. The air sullen, sinking fast as cold wind rushing in from the seemingly warm spring day outside. Everything took on such a solemn note, almost peaceful. Your dog, Mattias, had stopped squirming around on the carpet, instead laying there with his legs up in the air gazing at you with inquisitive eyes. He must’ve heard it too.

“Jun..Junhoe?” You’re scare to speak up, to confirm that it is what you and your handsome boy, who was now moving on to licking his paws on the floor, heard.

“Yea, it’s me.” There it was again. Your brain still couldn’t register the familiar sound as anything but hallucination. It can’t be. You distinctively heard that annoying ringtone that you for the millionth time made a mental note to change but probably won’t.

“Uhm… Did you- I mean, hi.” Stuttering like a fool, you shut your eyes and grit your teeth in embarrassment even though he wasn’t there to see. The poor couch that had once hosted the owner of that voice during his many lazy day during his game session nearly break from you throwing your whole weight onto it out of utter mortification.

“Hi… I-I. I’m so sorry, Y/n. You know I wouldn’t call unless it was really dire.”

“It’s alright. What’s wrong?” 

It was so strange to hear him speak with no hidden sadness, not even a trace of bitterness lace in the soothing voice. For so long you had longed for him to sound out your name in the amicableness from before. Not the before of the weeks leading up to the painful break up. The before of playfully throwing veggies at each other while dinner bubbles away on the hot stove. Back when you cracking up in ribs splitting laughter whenever he does something completely stupid during your annual Y/n + Junhoe grand adventure. In those days where you could confidently claim you had him begging for in between lustful moans of the night. In the days where you were still his girlfriend. 

“I’m really panicking right now. Hani, my niece, I’m suppose to babysit her today and… God, Y/n. I don’t know what to do. I tried everything. I even freaking threaten to take her home if she don’t stop. I don’t know what else to do- I. Why did you made it look so easy when you babysat her. What do I do?” His voice wavers worse than a baby tree in a category 1 hurricane. He rans without even breathing and judging his heavy breaths, he must be really desperate.

“Slow down, Junhoe. Breathe. Listen to me. Breathe! It won’t do neither of you good if you pass out. Now, slowly, tell me what happened.” A few long breath could be heard huffing into the receiver end of his phone before a long sigh follows up with dead silent. You lean back in your chair, discomfort forcing its way out from how strange this all feel. 6 months, 6 months of nothing since the break up. He didn’t even grace you with the tiniest bit of salvation for your aching heart even after you saw him arm in arm with the gorgeous cheery brunette that practically bounce her way down the busy street. 

“It started out so nice. We went to the park, we played, we watched movies. Then all of the sudden she won’t eat, she won’t play, she won’t listen to me. She just sat there and sulk. Then she threw a fit and spilled her lunch all over herself. I got irritated and she cry and now I wanna cry to and now she’s- She’s mad at me and I’m mad at her now too… and then…” The passion in his words dies out leaving you on the edge of your seat, anticipation coursing through your mind with all the worst scenarios. Above it all, why did he just call his girl. Why you.

“And then?” You whisper gently, careful not to shook anymore stress on the man that must be tearing his hair out by now.

“And then she, uh, she asked for you. She told me that it was all my fault you never come around anymore. You would know what she wants and all I do is just mess everything up. She’s crying so much that I don’t know what to do anymore, Y/n.” The softness in his voice falters with the last syllable of your name. The before of sadness feigning its joyful counterpart of the break up week suddenly flood your mind with its present.

“I’m so sorry, Junhoe. I tried to explain to her that I had to leave…” You had always felt guilty for leaving everything in this wonderful part of your life you shared with him. Most of all, you felt the guilt of ruining the ultimate trust he gave you when he introduced his wonderful family to you.

“It’s not your fault. Kids, they just don’t understand breakups you know.” You cringe at the way the cursed word rolled off his tongue. Breakups. It’s such an ugly word to be tainting such a beautiful man with a kind heart and loving soul.

“Yea… I’m still sorry… for everything.”

“Thank you”

You both stay silent for how long, you didn’t really know. No doubts the rush of reminiscing, of running through all the wonderful memories you both made together also affected him because you could’ve sworn you heard that infectious chuckle of his. Somehow, somehow that made you smile even under all the tear you were shedding. 

“Did you want me to calm her down?” Deciding the silent was deafening enough, you speak up to clear the air. “Junnie? you there?” 

“uh, uhm, yea.” He cleared his throat, not a question in your mind that he caught himself on the endearing nickname you had always used. You on the other hand, hadn’t even caught it yourself. “Can I bring her over to your place? You still live in the same place right?”

“Yea, of course. You sure you don’t want me to come over there instead, easier?” You muse over his strange request seeing how it was much easier for one adult to make a trip rather than a 5 years old and a man child.

“I- I’m moving. Most my stuffs is already packed up so I figured it’d be easier over at a place with real household items.”

“Oh, I see. Why didn’t you just call your sister? Or your mom?”

“They’ve been so stress so I agree to help out… I don’t wanna be useless. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just come over, you know your way. See you soon.”

“See you!”

30 minutes. 30 minutes it took you to realize what you had just agreed to. 30 minutes to realize the man you’re still hopelessly in love with that was no longer hopelessly in love with you was driving over with his 5 years old niece. 30 freaking minutes to realize you look like shit and your apartment even worse. 

“Shit. Why did I do this to myself” was the last thing you could utter before huffing away to a hot shower and a quick 10 minutes hair make up session. Praise the lord for the walk in closet because your mess of a room had just cleaned itself in the 2 revolution the long hand of the clock took. You had just thrown all the windows open when that familiar ding dong yanks your attention toward that white door. Your heart drums with all its might knowing just who stands just beyond that piece of wood. Nerve wrecks every cell in your body as you reach out to the cold piece of metal keeping you away from him. 

“Hey! Oh my God, Hani! Come here you little monkey!” 

“Auntie!!! YAY!” 

No sooner than the door slam into the wall with all the might a 5 years old could exerts, she was already in your arm clinging on like the monkey she is. 

“You’re so heavy now. I don’t think I can carry you anymore… Oh no, I’m gonna drop you!”

Loud shrieks tearing through the house luring a very exciting doggie charging toward the familiar laugh of the five years old. They were best buddies, inseparable since Hani was barely walking and Mattias was barely learning how to properly use his tiny puppy paws.

“MATTY!” She yelps for you to let go before the two of them dance happily in circle, whizzing away to your bedroom. Silent sinking over the warming apartment once again as you eye an awkward Junhoe standing there juggling with what you presume is Hani’s luggages. 

“Hey you!” You headed for a hug before crash and burn into that invisible wall of boundaries. Were your hugs still welcome? Would it makes him feel odd being pull into the arms of his ex?

“Hey. Sorry for barging in. I, you know I wouldn’t bother you unless I really needed to.” Tottering over, you couldn’t help but wince at the way his eyes tracing out the metal edges of your lock box, for certain recalling the many times exhilaration ran through his fingers as he type in the code to your place.

“Yea, it’s no problem. I miss her. Come on in…”

He shuffles in, shucking off his shoes and placing them where he had always for the past 3 years you had occupied this quaint apartment. You remember the day when you both finished putting the place together. He had so specifically left an empty spot just on the bottom shelf of your shoe rack. You tilted your head in confusion, wondering what his reasoning was. To which he simply said “What? I gotta leave my shoes somewhere…”. Needless to say it jolted his heart to see the spot remains empty. Staring about now, he’s drinking in as much of this familiar yet strange space that was once 2nd home.

“The lock… It’s the same code. I saw you staring.”

“Oh” A nervous chuckles adores you with its crisp sound. “I see.” 

“How’ve you been? how’s the girlfriend?” Bitter is all you can taste saying that word.

“I’m good. No girlfriend… You?” Bitter is all he could taste thinking about another man touching you.

“I’m okay… No boys, just Mattias over there. I saw you with that girl…” You feel disgusted with yourself for even prying so hard but you needed to know. You just want to feel that security of having him to yourself.

“Oh, just a friend. We were actually lost, the whole group got separated and yea, we didn’t wanna lose each other too. She’s not from around here and getting lost would be a big problem.” Your heart grin from hearing the perfectly logical explanation of why she was clinging onto him so tightly.

“Ah, I see.” he sways around a bit, awkwardly smiling at you.

“Should I give the little one a shower? You said she spilled lunch all over herself…” This was strange. Way to strange for your liking. There stand the man you had seen countless time trekking across this place butt naked with a bottle of water in his hand. Yet here he was, acting like he just entered a stranger’s home. It hurts.

“Yes, thank you. You know I was never good with this… you did most of it. I don’t know what I was thinking accepting to babysit.” Your voice cut his trance short as his soul nearly leaving his body. Holding out the two backpacks full of stuff, he smile awkwardly, not really sure where the lines were being drawn.

“It’s no problem. Just, you know where everything is… I’ll be back.”

He watches as you disappear into that room, that sacred place of love, of lust, and of the life he misses so dearly. He’s scare, terrify in fact to peer through the door once again fearing he might find things he wouldn’t like. Things that remind him you’ve moved on. So he settles on the couch, listening to the loud giggles emanating from the bathroom. The golden rays dance on his skin just the same as it had many afternoons before watching you cook from this very couch. As if sensing his memory lane, Mattias had taken upon himself to crawl right next to his other master that he loves so much but haven’t seen in a long time. If he could speak, you were sure the pup would throw an even bigger fit than Hani.

“Auntie can we go get ice cream later?” The little tyke hopping excitingly in one place, sprinkling little droplets of water all over your floor.

“Yes, if you eat lunch and take a nap and listen to your uncle.” Wrapping her in a big towel, you dried her off before pulling on the small PJ with bunnies print you had gotten for her birthday not too long ago.

“Okay. I feel bad for making uncle sad. I didn’t mean to cry but I miss you. Uncle wouldn’t let me call you so I cried.” Her eyes reddening from the overrunning guilt. You couldn’t help but feel your heart cracking a bit further knowing this was half your fault. You knew you had to cut off all contact for Junhoe’s sake, for your sake. Never once during the breakup did you both consider the collateral damage and casualties you’d both leave in the wake of the separation. 

“It’s okay. He thought I was busy so he said that. Next time, how about I call you first??” You coo, pulling the sadden girl into your arms.

“Yea! I miss Matty too.” 

“We can take him to the doggie park later too. If your uncle says okay.” You force a smile for the kid but deep down, this was all too close to heart for your own comfort.

“Auntie… I know you and uncle doesn’t love each other anymore. It’s okay if you don’t want to see me. I just miss you, he misses you too. We just wanna see you. I know it makes you sad to see uncle. He’s very sad too. I saw him crying when he saw me looking at your pictures on the computer.” You were in the process of getting lunch ready but now, now you found yourself standing there like a statue being rain on. You hadn’t cry about Junhoe in so long. You thought you couldn’t anymore but little Hani’s honest words… They cut deep. So instead, you drop to your knee and let the little one hold you close, petting your hair as you shed your tear.

“Hani, I love you uncle very much. I miss him too. It’s just sometimes, sometimes adults have to do things they don’t like for the people they love. Sometimes we have to say goodbye but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see you. I wanna see you everyday. Matty wanna see you everyday. Next time just tell your uncle to call me, okay?” You smile to calm the little one down.

“You swear?”

“Pinky swear. Now let’s get you lunch and nap.”

Hand in hand, you both turn to walk toward the bedroom door when you could’ve sworn you just miss the blur of the tousle of black hair rushing away from the door. Pushing it to your weary mind playing trick, you both skip happily to lunch time. 

Your kitchen hadn’t had this much laughter since, well since before the breakup. Lunch came and go in a flash and you were now tucking the little one tightly under your blanket. She smile cheekily before planting a big kiss on your cheeks, whispering sleepily to not tell her uncle. 

Sauntering back to the living room now, you wonder where the dog and his master had gone in the 2 hours it took for Hani to finally tuckered out. You let our eyes wander not even a minute when they land upon the sweet sight of Junhoe’s large body cuddling up a sprawl out Mattias. The dog had him whipped since the first day you both adopted him from the rescue. Always napping together, could never got himself to put the four legged son in time out. Junhoe tightly shut eyes wincing a bit when Mattias stretches himself, kicking and whining in his dream. This is the sight you had always come to associate this place with, your life with. Who would’ve thought in such a short time, you’d lose all the hope and dream of a fun filled future with the sleepy man before you. Settling down just beside the boys on the floor, you reach out to scratch Mattias’s belly before hovering above Junhoe’s dark locks. He loves getting a good scalp massage to fall asleep to and you honestly love giving him one. You stare for a moment before the sinful lull of selfishness taken over. Dropping your fingers onto his fringe, you sweep the soft strands out of his forehead, lingering on his soft skin, basking in the cologne that still remains the same after 6 years of being together.

You could feel his eyes stirring a bit, life returning to his sleepy gaze as you shoot away toward the kitchen.

“Hey, where’s Hani?”

Damn that husky voice. Junhoe possesses the voice of angels, so delightful and sweet. When he sings, you could feel your heart skip several beats from how beautiful he is. But then there was the gruff in his voice when he just waking up, so low and so rough that it got you lost in him.

“She’s sleeping, probably 10 minutes now. You want lunch? I can reheat some stuff for you…” You avert your gaze, hand wiping the same spot for the 5th time in the past few minutes.

“I’m okay.” You could see him glancing around, taking note of the changes with a few nods of his head. “Everything is pretty much the same here…”

“Not everything. Lots of things changed.” You rush out the answer, hoping he hadn’t heard it.

“Yea it is. You extensive mug collection is still on the cabinet that’s way too high for you to reach. The bowls and plates still in the left bottom cabinet. You even organize your fridge in the same way. Matty’s bed is still in the corner next to the sliding door. I haven’t seen your room yet but I’m sure it’s the same.” He lists with a slight chuckle with all the intention in the world to lighten to mood.

“I moved the utensil drawer. It’s above the bowls and plates now. Made more sense that way. You grab your utensils then you grab your food holders. I don’t leave my water in the fridge door anymore, I got a big water cooler now. Easier that way.” You were feeling your tear creeping up on you, wiping that spot for the 10th time. “I can’t cook dinner for two anymore. It took me 3 months to even remember not to buy two serving of everything. Veggies don’t fly in the kitchen anymore, they’re just boring old veggies that lay around where you put them down. I don’t come home to your voice singing out my name anymore. I can’t jump into your arm. I can’t kiss you. I can’t cuddle you on rainy day. You don’t make me tea anymore. They’re all still there you know. You never took your tea collection when you left. I-I can’t go to bed expecting the sheet and cover already warmed up. I don’t have to complain about you leaving your products all over the bathroom sink. I guess that’s one good thing. I can’t take care of you when you’re sick and gross and icky. I don’t travel anymore. I don’t go get a salt and butter donut then a coffee every Sunday morning anymore. I’m not yours… And I can’t call you mine… So please tell me, Junnie, in what world is everything “the same””. 

You spin around briskly, throwing the towel onto the floor throwing your hands up in an air quotation mark in snide. You can’t bother hiding the tear anymore. All your emotion of 6 months of constant suppressing exploded. He stood there wide eyes but already lunging forward to pull you into his chest. 

“Damn it, Junhoe. Why did we even break up in the first place?” You sob into his chest feeling the knots in your hair loosen with each pass of his fingers. You feel all the frustration of going against the grain of life seeping out.

“Because we weren’t going anywhere… remember? We got stuck in this routine life that was just stomping in one place. I was struggling to move up in the world and you, you weren’t getting any warmer with the idea of settling down and getting marry. But I have a feeling you’re not asking for the reason…” He coos so tenderly the painful reminder of why you were sleeping alone every night.

“No… Why did it all seemed so complicated back then…Why did we agree to this shitty lonely life.” Your arms tighten around his body, squeezing out all the darkness as he chuckles.

“Because we were dumb and young.”

“We’re still the same age now as when we parted you freak!” He laughs at the seemingly ease you could crack a comeback even when you’re ugly crying.

“Fine. Because we’re a bit wiser now than we were before. We’ve been together for so long and I think we just needed a reminder of what it feels like to be on our own. Honestly, I hated every single second of the past 6 months. I knew it was mutual and I have no right but God, I got so angry when I saw your Instagram that you were getting tea with that guy from your work. Tea is my thing. You were only suppose to drink the one I pick. Then I laughed because there I was, getting angry over tea. But you know what? I realized i miss you so damn much.”

You nearly choke on that sentence. You wanted so badly to come home to that sentence but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask for it. Not when you both decided to part way. His lips find themselves resting on your damp cheek as he whispers “i miss you” over and over until you dug your face so far into the crook of his neck the kisses couldn’t reach you anymore.

“I knew I said we always do the same thing and it got so abhorrently boring but I miss it. I would sell my soul to have those “boring” date back. I knew it was just a fluke this morning when you called me Junnie over the phone but it had my heart doing flips and my stomach sick with butterflies. Then earlier when you told Hani you miss me, I’m surprise I had enough self control not to kiss your lips off then and there.” 

You sob out a laugh from the sweet words of your sassy man and he returns the same. You both stood there for so long just looking at the familiarities of each other and how they’re all suddenly seems to be glowing with all the lights of the stars above. His hands move to cup your cheeks gingerly to which you respond with the flutter shut of your eyes. Then you feel the intense heat of summer spreading from his soft lips. It breaches the barrier with the thrust of his tongue greeting yours. It burns down your throat as he moans into you, satisfies with your welcoming touches. Searing down your chest, your heart works itself into a stupor, drugging all your veins with love as you clutch onto the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer. Finally your spent lungs gave out from the intensity of its all with a heavy pant.

“Please tell me we’ll get back together after this because if not, this would all be soooo embarrassing. Also, I’d really like it if you help me move. It’s been hell doing it myself.” He retorts, eyes gloss over with every drip of love he could offer despite the cheeky remarks.

“Yes, weirdo. I mean, who’s gonna fill that empty spot on my shoe rack. I guess I should also pay you back for moving me into this place.” a soft thud of your fist playfully tickles his chest as a much crisper laugh tears through your apartment. You didn’t wanna leave his arms and it seems he has no problem with it. You stay there in the kitchen that held so much memory and surely host of new ones. Your arms tight around him as you rest on his strong stature. He presses kisses here and there, relaying how much he needs you close. Once the tiredness settled into your legs, you drag him over to the couch surprising a still sleeping Mattias awake. He gladly gives up part of the couch for you to fall onto with Junhoe flushing tight against your back.

“You know earlier, when you were struggling with 2 backpacks and a fussy Hani, you really looked like a real dad. Kinda cute.” 

“Yea? Does it uh, does it makes you feel a certain way…?” He winks teasingly, words playful as he presses a kiss onto your lips.

“I don’t know. Should I be? Why don’t you enlighten me.” You refuse to relent to his mischievous words.

“If I look like a dad and you think it’s cute… Doesn’t it incite a motherly feeling in you? I mean, you look like a fearless mom that could handle a zombie apocalypse earlier laying down the law with Hani. I’m not saying you have to feel motherly any time soon… Just you know, eventually.” Hope glints gleefully in his eyes as he not so inconspicuously letting his finger rubs your own very specific one.

“Koo Junhoe, isn’t there something you need to ask me first before I should be feeling motherly?” You retort, flicking his forehead, watching him wincing in pain.

“Let me worry about that part, okay babe? I promise you, I’ll be here for the rest of your life. I will never, ever leave again.” Clutching onto your hands tightly, he let his heart speaks knowing he’s in a good place from here on out.

“I love you, Junnie.”

“I love you, baby.”

You both remain silent, basking in the peacefulness of a revived love. You spend your time staring at him, letting your fingers relearn all the dips and curve of Junhoe. He did the same, index running along your nose ridge, brushing your hair out of your face, poking your cheeks. Nothing but small giggles and kisses could be heard for the next hour until the gentle voice of a very sleepy Hani burst your bubble.

“Does this mean I get to sleep over whenever I want to again?”

Junhoe breaks into a laugh as you motion for the little one to come over. She jumps right in and wiggles herself neatly in the crack between yours and his body. She calls for Mattias as the happy pup wagging his tail your way, settling just beneath your feet continuing to snooze away. Her eyes close once again as you press a soft kiss on her hair, Junhoe doing the same. He whispers to a giddy Hani before beaming brightly at you.

“Yes, kid. It does.”


End file.
